I'll Remember
by Chibi J
Summary: *complete* In Mamoru's words...can't say much else without saying too much.


I'll Remember  
  
By: Chibi J  
  
Rated: G  
  
This is a song fic told from Mamoru's point of view. There is not much dialogue, but what I used is primarily quoted from episodes 1 and 34 fan-subbed.   
  
I do not claim to own Sailor Moon or any characters affiliated with it. I do not own the song "I'll Remember" the theme song to the movie "With Honors" which is sung by Madonna.   
  
Thanks to Ceara (Poshers) and Leanne (Sailor Sista) for giving me the much needed confidence to post my stories.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
  
Ever since my sixth birthday, she has been there for me, my princess. She came to me in my dreams at the hospital, telling me to wake up. I listened to her and woke up, only to find that my life would be forever changed. My memory, forever lost with my parents in a car crash, was wiped clean from my head. My name, supplied by official records and not myself, was all that I owned. Yet she came to me, only me.   
  
For years she cared for me in my sleep. She soothed me in the orphanage like no other could. I came to love her and found myself racing through the daytime for the comfort she supplied in my dreams. She made me feel safe, warm, and cared for. It was okay to cry in front of her, for she never judged or criticized me. Over time, she urged me to live my life, to be happy, and to find love. I assured that I had found love and happiness.  
  
*Say good-bye to not knowing when  
  
The truth in my whole life began  
  
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry  
  
You taught me*  
  
One night, my dreams changed. My princess was still in my dreams, hidden in shadows as always, but full of sorrow she had never displayed before. She no longer comforted me, but asked me for assistance. She needed my help. Night after night she pleaded with me to aid her. I was unsure how to help, but knew that I had too. After all that she done for me, I knew that I would do anything and everything to make her happy again.  
  
When I turned eighteen, I was allowed to leave the orphanage to begin life on my own. I was granted my inheritance and independence. I was also granted the ability to make my princess's wish come true. Happiness would again belong to both of us.  
  
*And I'll remember the strength that you gave me  
  
Now that I'm standing on my own  
  
I'll remember the way that you saved me  
  
I'll remember*  
  
Day and night I searched for the key that would make my princess cheerful again, the silver crystal. It would release her from the land of dreams and bring her to me at last. However, I had never imagined that it would be such a difficult task. I began to become obsessed with finding this special crystal and would spend every minute available trying to find it. Work and school seemed like only seconds of the day compared to the never-ending search I conducted. Until one day.  
  
*~*  
  
Today found me in front of a rather expensive jewelry shop. The chances of the crystal being in such a place seemed near impossible. However, all of my other searches turned up nothing. Maybe the answer to this infinite search could be found in such a simple way. Sure. I would be able to walk in and simply ask to buy the crystal in the window.   
  
I shook my head to clear my brain of silly thoughts when something dropped on my head. Looking above me, I found no birds. Touching my head, there was nothing on me. My gaze dropped to the ground where I found a crumpled paper. I reached down to pick it up and opened in to find a test paper. A very poorly completed test paper. Looking around there was only one possible owner.  
  
"That hurt, Odango Atama!" I shouted to the young girl a few steps ahead of me. Her long blond hair easily reminded me of dumplings in the style she wore it.  
  
"Gomen nasai!" She quickly replied turning to apologize to me. That is, until she noticed me examining her paper.  
  
"A thirty?" I looked up to the blond who looked mortified. She yelled out and reached for the paper. I smiled as her adorable face scrunched up. Then I remembered that I was on a mission. Once again, I used my incredible wit.  
  
"You should study more Odango Atama." After the words left my mouth I immediately realized that steam should not come so easily out of a person's ears. Perhaps I should have thought a little harder before throwing my words at the petite angel in front of me.   
  
"What business is it of yours?" She scowled. I found her adorable. She quickly turned and began walking away from me. Not two steps later she turned around and stuck her tongue out at me. It seemed that our conversation came to an official close as she began stomping off.  
  
Turning back to the store window, I found it difficult to remember what I was there for. I turned to my left to see the final strands of the beautiful blonde's hair trail around a corner. Although life was still moving around me, I could not break my stare from the place where she had just stood. It was as if I was looking for some kind of sign that the exchange of words had actually occurred.  
  
*Inside I was a child  
  
That could not mend a broken wing  
  
Outside I looked for a way  
  
To teach my heart to sing*  
  
As days turn into weeks, I feel that I am losing control of my life. Before, everything was organized. I knew what to do and when to do it. Now, I find that not only can I not keep track of the hours in the day, but that I can't track what I was doing in certain hours. They just seem to be missing from my memory. I blame the blond.  
  
Usagi.   
  
It didn't take long for me to learn her name, although it is much more fun to call her Odango Atama. Daily we meet, exchange insults, and depart from each other's company. She looks so sweet when she gets all upset. The blush in her cheeks gets brighter and you can just feel her emotions in the air. When I am near her, I get this feeling. I cannot identify if, but I know that I have had this feeling before. It's like a warm blanket on a cold morning. It totally encompasses my entire being and I feel cold and alone when it is gone.  
  
Amidst all of the distractions I have faced lately, I am still on what seems to be a never-ending quest. I am beginning to fear that I will never succeed. Although my princess is still in my dreams, she isn't the same as she was when I was I child. She used to speak to me, comfort me, and protect me. I never feared anything for I knew that she would always be there for me. Now, she is more of a fading illusion. She asks me to find the silver crystal again and again. There is never a change to the dream or her voice. It is as if I am watching a recording over and over.   
  
My love for my dream princess is still strong in my heart. I don't think that anyone can ever give me what she has given me in my life.   
  
*And I'll remember the love that you gave me  
  
Now that I'm standing on my own  
  
I'll remember the way that you changed me  
  
I'll remember*  
  
Change. It is an inevitable force in life. You can never avoid it forever. For years, months, even days of my life I managed to avoid the need to change. But in that one moment, I knew that it had in fact happened. My life changed, dramatically. For the first time since my princess, I felt love for another. True, undying love. Although I am sure that it has built up over time in my heart, it hit me like a ton of bricks.   
  
I have fallen in love with a silly blonde odango atama.   
  
She simply walked passed me today and I felt it. Deep in the recesses of my heart, I felt it. Love. Plain, simple, undeniable love. Pain and pleasure erupted in my soul and I knew that my life would never be the same again.  
  
I didn't know how to react to such a sensation. So I continued on as I normally would, insulting the one whom I loved. Running into her on the street was no longer torture, but sweet bliss. Our insult wars almost seemed ridiculous to me, but I knew no other way to talk to her. Often I would watch her from a distance with her friends. Her smile made my day completely pleasant.  
  
However, at night, when I laid down to sleep, I felt guilt. My heart was betraying my princess, my savior, and my key to happiness as a child. Now that my happiness was coming from another, I felt as if I had betrayed my princess. She had taught me to love. She had taught me happiness. Now I was using what she taught me for another.  
  
My head reasoned that it was all right to love both my dream princess and my little bunny, Usagi. After all, one existed only in a dream. But would that change when I found the silver crystal? I still spent my evening hours clad as the hero Tuxedo Kamen searching for the rainbow crystals, the keys to finding the silver crystal. If she would awaken, would I forget Usagi for my princess? It is difficult for me to imagine that.  
  
*I learned to let go of the illusion that we can posses  
  
I learned to let go, I travel in stillness  
  
And I'll remember happiness  
  
I'll remember*  
  
"Nooo!"   
  
I felt the pain rush into my body and fell to the ground. I can hear her scream for me, for the injury that I claimed for her.   
  
"Hang on! Are you all right?" She asked as she lifted me into her lap. Her blue eyes were shinning with tears that she had not yet allowed to fall.   
  
"Are you hurt, Sailor ..." I tried to ask, pain shooting through me. I could not forgive myself if I allowed her to be injured.   
  
She looked down to me and nodded no. Relief washed over me, she was safe.   
  
"Why do you look like that--about to cry?" I asked. My Usagi, Sailor Moon, she had never before looked so sad. My thoughts centered only on the woman that was holding me in her arms finally. "I'm glad you're safe."  
  
My eyes became heavy and I could no longer hold them open. I looked in her eyes one last time and saw love there. As everything became dark I could hear her call out to me. She was shouting my name, but there was nothing I could do to sooth her. I could hear her crying and wished that I could reach my hand up to wipe the tears from her beautiful face.  
  
As I lay there, awaiting death to consume me, I sent my last thoughts out to my love. A white light and almost surreal warmth surrounded me. I thought that death was taking me away, yet I could sense that I was still breathing. Fighting pain, I opened my eyes to a blinding light shinning from Usagi.   
  
*And I'll remember the love that you gave me  
  
Now that I'm standing on my own  
  
I'll remember the way that you changed me  
  
I'll remember*  
  
The white light was hovering over her, dancing with her. It molded to her body and when it subsided, she knelt down beside me once again. She was my princess, the princess of my dreams. For all the time that I feared that my love for Usagi betrayed my princess they were actually one in the same. My heart soared as I looked upon her beauty. Memories flooded to my mind of a time long ago.   
  
"Tuxedo Kamen." She whispered, as if trying to regain her strength to speak. "You suffered for me..."   
  
I looked up to her beautiful eyes, again watering with tears. I could not allow her to feel such pain.  
  
"Serenity." I whispered, "Now all the memories have returned."  
  
She looked to me, as if hearing her name for the first time. Confusion was still present in her face.  
  
"Serenity...I am Endymion."  
  
"Endymion?" She said, more to herself than to me. Suddenly we were consumed by memories of our past life together. Images of love and struggle passed so quickly, leaving more questions than answers.  
  
"That's right. I am Serenity." She said smiling down to me. I felt a tear escape my eye at her loving smile. "You were Endymion." She said as she fell to the pain of exhaustion. I tried to look down to the beautiful woman who fell to my chest as I too fell into darkness.  
  
  
  
*No I've never been afraid to cry  
  
Now I finally have a reason why  
  
I'll remember*  
  
We stood by each other through battles, cried with each other during loss, and loved each other as no one else on this earth could. Any emptiness that I ever felt in my life has been wiped clean by her compassion, understanding, and love. All that I have ever needed, she has supplied. When I most needed someone, she was in my dreams, although she never knew it. Now, I have her with me always.  
  
I smiled as I watched her walking towards me. Her beauty shined as always, her smile like an addictive drug. I felt laughter in my heart as she looked at me with nervous, but happy eyes. Her hand fell into mine, as if by instinct. We walked a few feet together before stopping, lost in each other's eyes, mind, heart, and soul. Everything was lost around us. We heard no noise, other than the beating of our hearts. We saw nothing but each other.  
  
Cheering erupted around us, practically startling me out of my trance. I looked to the man that was standing in front of me.  
  
"Excuse me? What did you say?" I asked, feeling a little silly.  
  
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."  
  
Smiling at the man, as if to show my complete gratitude, I nodded. I turned back to my beautiful princess, my wife, my Usako. I grabbed her around the waist as she gave a small giggle and kissed her with all the love in my soul. I felt a tear of happiness slide down my cheek as my life became complete.  
  
*No I've never been afraid to cry   
  
And I finally have a reason why  
  
I'll remember*  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
  
Please send any comments and criticism to ChibiJ77@yahoo.com. 


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